The Sanest Days Are Mad

onlyannie:

markmcgrathtouchedme:

Thank you Mike

I cannot even form words.

villagevoice:

SOME EXAMPLES OF HOW YOU CAN FIND A HURRICANE BOYFRIEND:

1. Go to the grocery store. You need to do this anyway because all you have is one bottle of pink wine and some Sriracha peas, and you’ve gotten to the part of the can where the weird preservative packet that you’re not supposed to eat lives and that makes you wonder if you should eat the peas, either. While you’re at the store, take note a handsome fellow with a lot of tomatoes in his grocery cart (make sure he has a real cart, not one of those little baskets — more manly) and ask him what he’s planning to make with all those tomatoes. If he says anything stewed, move along, and find a guy with a large bottle of Sriracha. Do not go for the guy with the 24 pack of toilet paper and the 48 bottles of Poland Spring. He is mine.

2. All along, you have been passing on guys who live smack dab in the middle of Queens because of their geographical “undesirability.” All that changes now! Go to the middle of Queens. Go now, before the subways stop running. Bring your go-bag, complete with its latex gloves and tweezers. Never have you been more prepared for the middle of Queens. Go! 

3. If all else fails, stay at home and watch Animal Planet until the power goes out, then text anyone who lives marginally nearby but not in a evacuation zone and ask them nicely to come over and make out with you, and to bring whatever booze they have on hand, too. It’s only gentlemanly. 

Why didn’t I think of this when I was at Trader Joe’s?

thedailywhat:

Nuke It From Orbit of the Day: Housing Authority worker Jose Rivera poses with a Splinter-sized rat he caught at the Marcy Houses housing project in Bed-Stuy.

According to Rivera, the mega-rat was one of three that came scurrying out of a rat hole he was filling in. Marcy Houses Tenant Association president Naomi Colon says sightings of unusually large rats have been reported for the past six years.

The brobdingnagian rodent is believed to be a Gambian pouched rat, which can grow to be up to three feet in length.

Also known as the African giant pouched rat, it was blamed for an outbreak of monkeypox in 2003 and banned from being imported. A ban on raising pouched rats as pets was lifted in 2008, but the import ban remains in place. 

[nydn.]

I AM LITERALLY SCREAMING OUT LOUD, THIS PICTURE NEEDS TO BE CENSORED.

(Source: thedailywhat)

laughingsquid:

Hurricane Irene

Don’t get slapped.

my new favorite gif

i am crying.

this post is going to provide me with so much entertainment this afternoon.